Going to the Forest
by Detective Smithjones
Summary: Ash and Latias run into some trouble during a trip to the forest. Out-of-character Altoshipping.


Note: This is a parody. All credit goes to Smosh. This'll work better if you try to imagine it's an actual show. Also, sorry if they are both out of character, as I tried to copy what Smosh did more than try to make an actual story.

Enjoy!

_As the scene opens up, Ash and Latias are flying slowly along a dirt path that leads through the __forest. They are each carrying a backpack._

Ash and Latias (singing): Going to the forest, going to the forest! Going, going, going, to the forest, going to the forest! Going to the forest.

_Suddenly Latias s__tops flying and they both drop onto the path, with a thump._

Ash: What happened?

Latias (Still singing): I am out of Power Points, I am stopping right now!

Ash: Then be quiet. What are we going to do?

Latias (Still singing, but fading to a more dismal tone): We are stuck in the forest, we are totally screwed, Ash.

Ash: I gave you an Ether!

_Latias takes out a red circular object, labeled "Easy" in silver letters in the center._

Latias: Oh, yeah! Traded it for this thing.

_Latias pushes the button._

Button: That was easy.

_Ash looks at Latias in disbelief._

Ash (Through gritted teeth): I can't believe you did that.

_Ash opens his backpack and takes out a telescopic walking stick and other stuff. Latias looks at Ash questioningly._

Latias: Where are you going?

Ash: to get an Ether.

Latias: Why are you bringing all that stuff?

Ash: In case we get lost.

Latias: In that case, I'm bringing this.

_Latias reaches into her own bag and takes out a handgun._

Ash (in shock): Where'd you get that?!

Latias (smiling): I found it under your mom's bed. Pretty cool, huh?

Ash (pointing at the Easy Button.): Why are you bringing that lousy thing?

Latias: I don't know. For good luck?

_Ash snatches the Easy Button and hurls it into the forest._

Button (in the distance): That was easy.

Latias (With a pout.): What did you do that for, Ash!? I traded an Ether for that!

Ash (With a shrug): well, Sooorry!

_Latias and Ash are searching through the woods, scanning the area for the __Easy Button._

Latias (teasingly): If we can't find it, you're going to owe me some major cash.

Ash (also teasingly): But I paid for the Ether!

_Suddenly, both of them hear a rustling __sound behind an old tree stump. They whirl around and gaze at it._

Ash (brandishing an umbrella): Who's there?!

Latias (Aiming her handgun): I'm going to shoot it.

_Professor Oak jumps out from behind the stump, waving a stick of broccoli._

Ash: What the freak…Professor Oak!?!

Professor Oak: Wait! Don't shoot me! You must listen, humans, you're in grave danger! My partner-

Latias: Demon!!!

_Latias takes her handgun and begins to shoot __Professor Oak._

Professor Oak: Ugh! Agh! Oh! Agh! Argh! Unh!

_Latias ceases firing for a moment._

Professor Oak: The broccoli is-

Latias: Die! Die! Die!

_She punctuates each word with a shot. __Professor Oak's head falls backwards and hits a familiar object._

Button: That was easy.

_Latias flies forward and scoops up the Button_.

Latias: The Easy Button!

_Ash runs forward and scoops up the broccoli._

Ash: Broccoli!

_Ash takes the broccoli and begins taking bites out of it. He offers some to Latias._

Ash: You want some?

Latias (with a concerned expression.): where's the path?

Ash (Pointing in the completely wrong direction): Uh, that way?

_Ash and Latias are wandering through the forest, lost, and discussing the __attractiveness of various Gym Leaders._

Ash: Koga?

Latias: Not hot.

Ash: Norman?

Latias: Lame.

Ash: Lt. Surge?

Latias: Lousy.

Ash: What? What's wrong with him?

Latias: He has this…weird spiky hair.

Ash: His hair is fine!

Latias (in a sing-song voice): I'm Lt. Surge, na-na-na-na-na!

_Ash suddenly__ doubles over and hands Latias his walking stick._

Ash: I'll be right back.

_Ash runs off into the cover of some trees.__ Latias starts to survey the area using a pair of binoculars. There are odd noises off to the trees where Ash is._

Ash (in a distant voice): Where's the toilet paper?

Latias (in a shout): It's in your backpack!

Ash: There's only sandpaper!

Latias: Just use the sandpaper!

Ash: Fine! Augh! Augh! Arrrrgghh! Okay I'm done!

_Latias spies something pinned to a tree nearby._

Latias: Hey, I think I see something over there!

_Ash and Latias walk towards the tree. It has a missing persons poster attached to the trunk. On the poster, there are two poorly drawn sketches of Ash and Latias._

Ash (skeptically): Is that supposed to be us?

Latias: Well, yeah, it's like a perfect resemblance!

_Latias puts her binoculars to her face and looks around._

Latias: Hey, there's the path!

_Ash and Latias high-five and head back onto the path. As they step onto the path, Professor Oak comes out from behind a tree, cradling an Uzi in his hands._

Professor Oak: Well, well, well. Look who we have here.

Latias: What the heck! I thought we killed you!

Professor Oak: give me the Red Button.

Ash: Why?

_Mystical music begins playing._

Professor Oak: Because, the Red Button possesses a power that neither Pokemon nor Trainers can possibly understand.

Latias: But I got this from a homeless guy.

Professor Oak: he was no _homeless guy!!! _He was Giovanni, The Rocket Leader with a drinking problem. Somehow you were able to swap the Red Button with him before I was able to get my hands on it. But no, I couldn't leave it at that! So I followed you into the forest, and waited for you to pass by this path. Then, I used Grudge on you. I would have killed you right then, but you idiot boyfriend tossed the Button into the forest. So I tailed you into the woods, and waited for a chance to kill you, and your stupid friend.

Latias: But I shot you ten times.

Professor Oak: Oho, but I played a little _trick _on you! Somehow you found out that I was following you, so I sent out my partner, Professor Birch to coax you into eating this broccoli laced with laxative! My backstabbing colleague tried to warn you of my insidious plot. But before he could tell you, you killed him and ate the broccoli _anyway!_

Latias (with a puzzled look on her face): Wait. Why laxative?

Professor Oak: Well, I knew that after eating the broccoli, your friend would have to go drop a deuce. So, while he was relieving himself, I switched his role of toilet paper with a roll of sandpaper laced with a flesh-eating virus!

Ash (outraged): WHAT!?!

Professor Oak: But then I found out that he was immune to flesh-eating viruses. But no matter. I'm going to take what's rightfully mine. And I'm going to kill you.

_Music stops._

Ash: Wait.

Professor Oak: What is it?!

Ash: You never even told us what the Button does!!

Professor Oak (Exasperated): I already told you that you puny numbskulls cannot understand! But as I'm going to kill you, I suppose I'll tell.

_Mystical music starts up again._

Professor Oak (Continuing): So the Button has the power to grant wishes-

Ash: Like Jirachi?

Professor Oak: Shut up! As I was saying, the Button can grant wishes. All you have to do is say "Big Red Button", and then tell it your wish.

_Music stops (again)._

Latias: That's it?

Professor Oak: Yeah.

_Latias takes the Button and gazes at it._

Latias: Big red Button, give everyone in the world a _boner!_

_A s__parkly noise is heard, and Professor Oak bends over suddenly, clutching at his crotch._

Professor Oak (Through clenched teeth): Well, I don't know hat you did, but you must have done it wrong. Because I don't have a boner, if that's what you're thinking. I-I'll be back for you two!

_Professor Oak __rushes away into the trees, still bent over his crotch._

Ash: I can't believe that worked, Latias. What's a boner? Is this a boner?

Latias: No, that's your belly button.

THE END

P.S. If you don't know what a boner is, look it up on Google images or something. But be warned, it's inappropriate.


End file.
